Have you taken that first step to starting a date night routine? To get you going on some ideas, I suggest a private brainstorming session. I suggest each partner come up with their own ideas for date night and write them down on a piece of paper and put it in a "date night" jar. Again, choose activities that will allow you to interact with your spouse and also to have fun with your spouse. Do not share your date night ideas with your partner. Each time you and your spouse schedule date night, choose a slip of paper from the jar and do what it says. The jar idea will help to create the feeling of mystery and excitement in your activity. Prior to coming up with your ideas, you may need to set some agreed up parameters - how much money can we spend, how much time we will allow for the activity, etc. Date night can be fun, exciting and a much needed relief from the daily routine of life. Go ahead, be daring!
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Have you ever felt like your marriage/relationship is in a rut? You may be arguing with your spouse. You and your spouse may be a little more quiet around each other not having much to talk about. Or it could be that you just don't have anything in common anymore. A solution to get the relationship back on track is to have date night. I suggest to my couples to choose an activity that gets you moving. Perhaps, an activity that you and your spouse have either not done or rarely do. I suggest thinking outside the box - racing go karts, taking a ballroom dancing class, playing minature golf, etc. I suggest avoiding the same old dinner and a movie routine. This activity provides very little interaction. The purpose of date night is to interact, get connected and have a great time with your spouse. Experts agree that couples should have date night once a week. As a parent, that request is a little far fetched in my household. How about once a month? When you start having fun with your spouse again, you'll notice that the relationship will improve. You'll have more to talk about and the anger/resentment/discord will soften. When can you schedule your next date night? Our next upcoming communication workshop is scheduled for May 1st and 2nd. It is our Couple Communication I workshop. It is designed for couples, married or not. We teach how to talk to your partner so your partner will hear you and how to listen for deeper understanding. By the end of the workshop, we put both skills together so you learn how to resolve problems. It is an excellent workshop. It has been very helpful in many of our clients' marriages/relationships. The skills taught not only are geared toward your partner, but can be utilized in any of your relationships whether it's with your children, relatives, friends or co-workers. It's a very versatile and valuable workshop. For more information, see my communication workshops page or check out Interpersonal Communication Programs' website at www.couplecommunication.com Feel free to call or e-mail me for additional information. I recently had a struggle with deciding on what type of day care my children should be in. Unfortunately, I have to work and am at the point where I need to add more office hours. Although I love being with my children, I am conflicted at work because I do not have enough client hours to meet all of my clients' needs. As I thought about this decision, I was reminded of the steps that we teach in our communication workshops about making decisions. To solve a problem or make a decision, we need to be more aware of all of the components that go into making a decision. There are 5 things that need to be taken into account: the sensory data (the facts about the situation), your thoughts, your emotions, what you want, and your behaviors, both current and past. As you look at all of these components, making a decision is a lot easier because you have taken into account all of the necessary data. Since looking at that information, I have made progress toward my dilemma. I also realized that I need more information to finalize my decision. Sometimes, we rush to make decisions without all of the necessary information. So, think about how you make decisions. What information do you need to make your decision.? What information are you consistently leaving out? I recently had a situation at home this weekend where I witnessed an exchange between my husband and my son. My son became very upset and had an angry tone of voice toward my husband. Likewise, it occurred to me that my husband had snapped at my son and also had used an angry tone of voice. In our communication classes, we teach people about "Styles of Communication". That is, "how" you communicate your message. People utilize various styles and the style that you choose will greatly impact your conversation exchange. Therefore, you get the style that you give. Just like my husband, our son gave him the same style back. Pay attention to how you communicate. Changing your tone of voice and utilizing kind words will help you to have more satisfying and productive exchanges. And if you want to be spoken to with kind words, you must first treat others with kind words. |