In my office I see parents who are frustrated with their child's poor behavior.  Their child may be getting bad grades, making poor decisions, being disrespectful, etc.  Learning how to discipline a child specifically a teen can be very frustrating.  I rely on Scott Sell's book, "Parenting Your Out-of-Control Teenager" for sound advice.  You do not need to have an "out-of-control" teen to read this book.  My favorite piece of advice from this book is spending time with your child.  Every child (even a teen) wants to feel special.  Spending quality time with your teen will help to build a better relationship with him/her.  Yes, the teen may balk at the idea of spending time with a parent, but you'll see that eventually he/she will look forward to this time.  Schedule a time every week to do something one-on-one with your teen.  Choose activities you can engage in and have fun together.  You do not need to spend money on these activities.  Taking a walk in the park, watching a movie together or even shooting hoops at the nearby school are easy activities any family can participate in.  Once you start doing this, you'll find that your teen will be less defiant and engaging with you more. 

Every parent stresses from time to time.  Life provides a large dose of pressure and stress is inevitable.  So, what can you do to handle the pressure? You need to fill your gas tank.  No, not your car's gas tank - you're own gas tank.  You need to make sure that you are getting plenty of rest, relaxation and fun.  You've got to have gas in your tank to be able to provide for your children.  Mothers are especially bad about running on empty.  Women typically give and give and give.  They give to their children, their spouses, friends, family, job, etc.  You get the picture.  Usually women are last on their list.  In order to be able to give to others, we need to give to ourselves.  I like to get together with girlfriends, spend some quiet time reading or having a few hours alone.  Make sure you are on your list.  As a mother, I realize that it is unrealistic to put ourselves first on the list, but perhaps we could be up there where we get to ourselves daily.  Hmmm, how am I going to fill my gas tank today?  Perhaps I'll watch Dancing with the Stars tonight.  How will you put more gas in your tank today?

Last night we had a stressful dinner.  Dinner?  How can dinner be stressful?  As a parent of 2 young boys, dinner time can be stressful especially when they don't want to eat or spill things.  Last night, my son, Avery spilled his milk and made a mess dishing out his applesauce.  My husband immediately criticized him for making the mess.  After observing this situation, I came to realize how critical we can be as parents.  We have lots of expectations for our children that really are unrealistic.  How can we expect our 8 year old son to not make a mess when we have situations where we make unintended messes too?  Watching Avery clean up his spilt milk, I was able to look into his eyes and see the disappointment.  He clearly was remorseful for spilling the milk, but he also exhibited shame.  Shame is not an emotion that an 8 year old should be showing after spilling his milk.  Avery certainly showed this emotion after being criticized.  Parenting is a tough job, but we need to take time to really learn about our children and their development.  Life is tough enough and being critical has no business in our parenting toolbox.  Think about how you are critical.  Maybe you're not a parent, but are you being critical to others in your life? Is it really worth criticizing someone?  Could it be that you have some unresolved issues that you need to be aware of?