Kelly Carney, LPC

In my office I see parents who are frustrated with their child's poor behavior.  Their child may be getting bad grades, making poor decisions, being disrespectful, etc.  Learning how to discipline a child specifically a teen can be very frustrating.  I rely on Scott Sell's book, "Parenting Your Out-of-Control Teenager" for sound advice.  You do not need to have an "out-of-control" teen to read this book.  My favorite piece of advice from this book is spending time with your child.  Every child (even a teen) wants to feel special.  Spending quality time with your teen will help to build a better relationship with him/her.  Yes, the teen may balk at the idea of spending time with a parent, but you'll see that eventually he/she will look forward to this time.  Schedule a time every week to do something one-on-one with your teen.  Choose activities you can engage in and have fun together.  You do not need to spend money on these activities.  Taking a walk in the park, watching a movie together or even shooting hoops at the nearby school are easy activities any family can participate in.  Once you start doing this, you'll find that your teen will be less defiant and engaging with you more. 

Yesterday, I posted a blog on giving thanks.  I'd like to take that one step further and give thanks to those in your life.  We get so caught up in life and a lot of times we forget to give thanks to those around us.  Take a momemt today and see who makes an impact on your life and thank him/her for that.  Today, I thank YOU for reading my blog and supporting my efforts. 

Take a moment today and look at your life.  Give thanks for all that you have.  In a tough economy, it's easy to focus on the negative.  When we focus on the negative, we attract additional negative to come our way.  Look at the positive aspects of your life and be thankful for them.  You may have to play detective to find them, but you will.  Today, I'm thankful for being me!

Have you taken that first step to starting a date night routine? To get you going on some ideas, I suggest a private brainstorming session.  I suggest each partner come up with their own ideas for date night and write them down on a piece of paper and put it in a "date night" jar.  Again, choose activities that will allow you to interact with your spouse and also to have fun with your spouse.  Do not share your date night ideas with your partner.  Each time you and your spouse schedule date night, choose a slip of paper from the jar and do what it says.  The jar idea will help to create the feeling of mystery and excitement in your activity.  Prior to coming up with your ideas, you may need to set some agreed up parameters - how much money can we spend, how much time we will allow for the activity, etc.   Date night can be fun, exciting and a much needed relief from the daily routine of life.  Go ahead, be daring!

Every parent stresses from time to time.  Life provides a large dose of pressure and stress is inevitable.  So, what can you do to handle the pressure? You need to fill your gas tank.  No, not your car's gas tank - you're own gas tank.  You need to make sure that you are getting plenty of rest, relaxation and fun.  You've got to have gas in your tank to be able to provide for your children.  Mothers are especially bad about running on empty.  Women typically give and give and give.  They give to their children, their spouses, friends, family, job, etc.  You get the picture.  Usually women are last on their list.  In order to be able to give to others, we need to give to ourselves.  I like to get together with girlfriends, spend some quiet time reading or having a few hours alone.  Make sure you are on your list.  As a mother, I realize that it is unrealistic to put ourselves first on the list, but perhaps we could be up there where we get to ourselves daily.  Hmmm, how am I going to fill my gas tank today?  Perhaps I'll watch Dancing with the Stars tonight.  How will you put more gas in your tank today?

Have you ever felt like your marriage/relationship is in a rut? You may be arguing with your spouse.  You and your spouse may be a little more quiet around each other not having much to talk about.  Or it could be that you just don't have anything in common anymore.  A solution to get the relationship back on track is to have date night.  I suggest to my couples to choose an activity that gets you moving.  Perhaps, an activity that you and your spouse have either not done or rarely do.  I suggest thinking outside the box - racing go karts, taking a ballroom dancing class, playing minature golf, etc.  I suggest avoiding the same old dinner and a movie routine.  This activity provides very little interaction.  The purpose of date night is to interact, get connected and have a great time with your spouse.  Experts agree that couples should have date night once a week.  As a parent, that request is a little far fetched in my household.  How about once a month?  When you start having fun with your spouse again, you'll notice that the relationship will improve.  You'll have more to talk about and the anger/resentment/discord will soften.  When can you schedule your next date night?

Have you ever noticed how contagious a smile is?  Someone smiles at you at the grocery store...a perfect stranger...and all of a sudden your immediate reflex is to smile back.   Years ago, I had a client who said that he "practiced" smiling to help improve his mood.  I thought this was kind of crazy until I tried it out myself.  It really does give your mood a boost.  I dare you to practice smiling and see how it boosts your mood.  Watch how it affects other people.  Go ahead, smile!